Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
