is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
