i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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