someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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