all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
