why didn't you poke me back
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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