I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
