Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
