I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
