To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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