HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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