really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
time to smoke my breakfast
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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