someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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