how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
