I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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