keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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