i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
