Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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