Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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