The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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