well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
