sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
