im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
