I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Life without a bra equals bliss.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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