My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
