I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
