He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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