I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure