You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.