there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??