Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
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The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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