I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think i have herpe
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven