my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.