I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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