so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
