I don't remember. Are we still dating?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is Oprah even human
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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