I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
