Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Randomize
