You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
