I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize