she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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