I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I see more hoeing in ur future
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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