apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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