Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
