Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
