You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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