he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
