Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
