I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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