You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
