I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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