After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
