Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
