How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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