I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
