We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
