I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
