He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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