oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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