five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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