I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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