At least make sure they are 18
Why
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
