Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
