If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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