Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
