Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
