bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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