So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
