And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
