I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
