I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
there is glitter all over my balls
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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