soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
