dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Vodka?
Forever.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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