just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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