My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
