oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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