paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
