Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
